Sunday, 16 October 2016

Enjoy life now, It is not a rehearsal.

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Hey there guys!

So it's been a while since I've tended to this little blog....479 days to be exact!

Well what's gone on since then? I've not lost much weight, I've run another marathon, I'm still battling with depression and anxiety, I've moved flats and I've got a new job.

This post is more of a bit of self help I guess where things have been a bit manic of late and I haven't taken time for myself and my mental health is suffering because of it and I feel like I need to sort my sh*t out.

I rejoined Weight Watchers on 26th June this year, I'd dabbled with Slimming World at the back end of last year, lost half a stone but my heart wasn't in it. Now I'm currently paying £21 a month, putting a whole load of pressure on myself to lose weight and I've lost a grand total of 5 lbs. Yes that's right I've paid £63 to lose 5lbs. Now I'm not slating the plan, it the first 3 weeks I lost 8lbs and have messed around since then.

I've used excuse after excuse, work, getting a new job, social events.

But why am I putting so much pressure on myself? Yes I want to be healthier, I'd love to be a couple of dress sizes smaller but do I need to put so much pressure on myself that it's making the situation worse?

I'm a size 14/16 which is the UK average, I've got a reasonable level of fitness, and a social life I enjoy; too much some times. So why am I striving to be something/ get somewhere and waiting until I am there to be happy? I should be happy where I am now.

I'm an emotional eater, always have been and always will be. And this is where my depression, anxiety and weight loss go hand in hand. I self sabotage. I don't exercise because I'm too scared to go to the gym or I eat because I hate how I look (yeah never understand the logic in that one!)

It's gotten to a point where I need to address the issues, individually and being happy where I am now, rather than waiting for a specific event to be happy.

Do I now how I'm going to address these? Not really, I'm open to ideas so please feel free to drop me a message.

Anxiety - I know what triggers it, I'm pretty good at recognising the triggers but awful at dealing with it. My good days have been way more than my bad days lately, but bad days tend to hit me like a ton of bricks and I need to work on dealing with them.

Weight loss - well I'm so unsure as to what to do here. I need to take the pressure off myself without getting back to square 1.

Hoping that regularly blogging about life, weight, random ramblings will give me some focus again. So you'll be seeing a bit more of me around here :)

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