Friday, 30 August 2013

I'm struggling.

Those two words are the hardest to admit; apart from "I'm wrong". But you know what there is no way to hide it any more but I'm struggling.
Out on my run today I was thinking, a lot, and I actually cried whilst running which is a little sad in itself!
I came up with the following things:

Why do I want to lose weight?
- too feel better about myself
- to be healthy
- to look in the mirror and like what I see
- to be a stronger runner

Benefits I've had of loosing weight
- I began to love myself
-I started to like what I saw in the mirror
- I actually started to enjoy exercise
-I made people proud

Why am I struggling?
- I feel like a failure after putting on 1 stone
- I'm living between my parents & my boyfriends & not having my own place is taking it's toll on me
- Being stressed in other aspects of my life makes me comfort eat
-I feel like I've gone backwards with my running
-I'm happy in my relationship

Why I run?
-"Me time"
- Something to focus on & work towards
- Inspires people

How far have I come?
- 16st 12.5lbs down to 11st 6lbs
-2 x half marathons
-I've been in a blinking magazine

What do I need to do?
-Appreciate the support I have around me, each & everyone of you is amazing
-Take 1 day at a time
-Run 3 times a week; even if it's only a couple of miles
-Learn to love myself again

At my lowest weight I was 10t 6lbs. 6lbs away from my goal weight, and one day I will get there. Just maybe not as soon as I was hoping for initially But what I realised is how happy I was when I lost that weight, I started to enjoy what I was wearing, and looking in the mirror at what I saw. At the moment I hate it and I'm quite glad my boyfriend doesn't own a full length mirror at his place because it means I don't have to purposely avoid it.

I just want you all to know we all struggle from time to time, we all have fall backs, but admitting you have and admitting you need support is the first step forward.

So here's my first step!